2.2.2012, 12:46am

Assalamu'alaikum (ecehh. serious bebenor bunyinya).  Takde la serious mana, beri salam ikhlas, penuh, teratur, kn tu ibadah. Btw, im thinking of writing somethg serious ths time around. I've reviewed myblog and seems too many hanky-panky posts recently. I missed the genuine me who struggle to be a better muslimah. O Allah, pls keep me with iman to You in every tracks i walk through.

Something happened to me recently. To be precised, yesterday. In all hectic before, this is the thing that i've waited sooo long and i suppose feel like sharing with everybody with laughter and smiles. Apparently, it wasnt occur that way.

I finally being proposed by someone. Someone who come into my life speedily greater than a flash! I thought im gonna jump high when someone sincerely ask me to be his life's partner. No. Conversely, I was cry, cry, and cry and cry and sobbing like a lost child.

It was late night and i just finished solat Isya', when he texted me so. How ironic and sentimental it was, sbb sy masih bteleku atas sejadah, dalam telekung, dan mbaca hasrat dia tu makes me shaking to death. Out of blue sy menangis mcm mata xlagi bkelopak. Lps 5-10 minit cmtu, sy cepat2 istighfar dan bangun. I tried to calm myself and so sy solat lg tp sy sbnrnya xtahu dan xsedar solat apa yg sy niatkn masa tu. Solat syukur? Solat sunat? Solat hajat? I just cant clearly remember! All i know is, dlm stiap ayat sy baca, sy mgigil, sy mnangis, sy lemah sgt2.. I feel like begging to Allah, to hug me tight and calm me..

..and why i cried?
Bcause deep down inside me, i know that he's too good for me and im way too far to suit him best for the rest of his life. Sy smpi cakap pd dia, ntah apa dosa yg dia dh buat smpi tuhan 'berikn' sy yg jahil ni utk dia.. Atau mgkin tuhan tlalu sayangkn dia, hgga dia dpt dugaan bgini; dberikn sy yg jahil. There were soo many things and acts that i've regret in my life. I just dont wnt to be mean to him, to let him regret, be with me, be my husband. And so i hold myanswer to his proposal.

Sy belum lg mnta maaf pd dia sbb gantung semua ni tnpa jwpn. Sy serah bulat2 pd Allah. Klu sy mmg utk dia, skalipun xde jwpn kluar dr mulut sy, sy tetap akn jd pneman hidup dia.

# And for you, the one who stabbed my heart with yr proposal, all i want to say is that;

Semoga Allah mmuliakan awak.. sbagaimana awk mmuliakan sy dgn lamaran awak...

Till I'm blogging again......