and i cried...

Siapa yg ada my fb, tahu kot that i felt so sad being literally 'not accepted' in the saf within the same sajaddah. Indeed i felt demotivated & i cried. Bertatih keluar masjid menuju ke kereta airmata dh bergenang. En.Ubi was already finished his isya' & waited inside the car but luckily outside was dark that en.Ubi cant detect it. But i wasnt able to hold my breath. Sebaknya seolah saya 'dihalau' dr saf. I may exeggerate the situation but no. Sadly it happened to me :'( O Allah, if only people can have my body even for a second, they might understand the pain that i buried inside. Tried to not focus on the sadness, I in the end buka mulut cerita kt en.Ubi. We were at kedai mkn. Bergenang lg airmata bila bercerita :'( Ini antara sbb saya blm bersedia nk jmpa semua org. Sbb bkn semua fhm my circumstance right now. Saya xnk org bersimpati. Jgn. Sakit ini nikmat bg saya. Sakit ini dtg dgn sejuta rahmatNya. Tp x pula saya mampu 'berkeras hati' bila hadirnya saya dlm saf tdk diterima :'(